Friday, June 12, 2009

It'll be alright, right?

Pulled another disappearing act, but with good reason! I was returning from my vacation in SC, ooooh how I miss home, then getting ready for my husband to return from deployment. He returned June 3 and we have been catching up and talking about everything that has happened over the last 6 months.

Such as my wanting to go back to school. Scary, I know. I have been out of school for 12 years, so this is a bit of shock. Me? The person who doesn't believe in the institution of school wants to go back to it? Yup. There are compromises that have to be made and the biggest one comes to the children. Husband feels I won't be able to dedicate enough time to my own school if I am trying to home school the kids as well. I can see his point since the kids are usually all over me all day (and one of them all night) long. So we are going to work with the kids over the next 2 months to get them caught up to reading level and math level so they will be prepared for public school. I'm nervous about them going back to PS but I also know if I want to get my degree and work towards my goal I have to give somewhere.

In other knitting related news I am slowly catching up on my knitting. I still can't seem to find my mojo but I have designed a pretty sock and can't wait to release it June 21. July is WIP wrestlin month, that will be interesting with 3 sweaters, 1 top, 1 pair of gloves and 5 socks to catch up on. I wonder what I will actually manage to finish.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

52 pair plunge!!

The 2nd annual 52 pair plunge is coming to a close. I haven't reached the goal but there is still time, and of course there is always the next round!

The 3rd annual 52 pair plunge begins June 1, 2009. This year I am one of the moderators along with 2 other new gals. We are looking forward not only to the challenge of hosting the plunge but in participating as well. I am hoping to get a design done that will be exclusive to the plungers and perhaps a prize package for the end of the plunge to the person who reaches the goal.

Til then, back to finishing up this years plunge ;)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Sometimes, such a great word to start off with. Sometimes I am happy and full of life and energy. Sometimes I am sad and low. Sometimes I am easily irritable and sometimes I can fly between the 3 in one day. It's the rollercoaster called being an unmedicated bipolar. I've been on this ride for 15 yrs and to me, it's normal. I FEEL. Sometimes I think people forget that I feel. Sometimes I think they forget just because I have a hard exterior and try not to show outward emotion that I am not sensitive to what they say or do, or even the things they may not say/do.

Sometimes I just need to pour out what is on my heart and on my mind knowing I am safe here because only one friend reads and I love her dearly and I know she would never judge. We have the kind of friendship that despite doing something together maybe once a year we are always there for each other and support each other, no matter what. She is only one of two friends here that I can say that about.

Sometimes I wonder if my friendship with this one friend is even really a friendship. She was the first friend I made her in WA and it was just, natural and easy. We went to HS together, had many of the same friends back home and just generally seemed to click. While I was living up in that part of town we did a lot of stuff together, we were always off doing things. Then I moved down here and it made it harder to get together as much, plus I have all of these kids which make doing anything that much harder. So sh made more friends that were close by and I thought that's awesome, everyone needs friends nearby. I was happy for her. I knew her first deployment in the Navy was coming up and I know how hard that can be being away from home, being in a strange new place and needing people. Then she became pregnant and it suddenly changed. I don't know if it had anything to do with being pregnant or if it was coming on but I didn't notice it until then. One group of these friends she had made, it felt to me were pulling her away from everything, they always got together and did things, hell they even had a stupid fucking mascot. The only time she called to talk to me was when she needed to gossip about something she couldn't say to anyone else. Why me, because she knew I wouldn't tell anyone else since I had no other friends (on the boat that is).

I tried to ignore this feeling I had. It really came to a head one day, on the way to a tea party. I couldn't get on base as my stickers had expired so I had asked to ride in with her. At first she said no b/c she had this to do and someone else to pick up, so I said, alright see you another time then. When she calls she said alright I'll leave work early so you can ride with me, but man did that feel like I was the worst inconvenience ever. Brushing off the feelings thinking maybe I am just being sensitive it gets worse. When we get to the gate I pull out my military ID only to find out it's expired and they have to call the MP's down to issue me a ticket which takes forever, and friend is very highly aggravated. Now I am feeling really low, apologizing profusely and just wishing I had stayed home. The feeling doesn't go away the entire party. FF to me leaving her house after the party and realizing I need gas, so I pull up to the station and realize aw shit husband has the debit card and I have no money. Now I am scum on the bottom of dog shit on the bottom of a shoe b/c I have to call and ask friend to borrow a few bucks to get home.

After this I notice there is a huge shift and I become only a ear for the gossip. When things head south with this one clique I am sympathetic and supportive and so my best to be there for her. I even tell her some of how I felt that one day (this is many months later and about 2 mths after baby is born) as I feel perhaps this is a turning point for us getting back on track with our friendship. Only it's not. She makes more friends.

Now I am constantly seeing comments on FB about things they are doing or things they did, every day it seems they are getting together for coffee or going somewhere, doing something. I don't begrudge the friendships and I know I must sound like a sour puss but it hurts. It hurts to not even be asked hey wanna come up for coffee? Hey we are going to a baseball game I bet your kids would have a blast why not come along. Or even just a hey we haven't hung out in awhile, let's get together. But I am still that friend that hears her gossip, I am still the one she turns to when that one chick is being a bitch and in general making friend miserable. I am just not that friend that is invited to anything. I am not that friend that when she is in need and asks for help, is offered it. Or hell even a hey I'd love to help out but I can't, how about I keep you company and keep he kid sout of your way while you work. All I hear is silence.

Sometimes. Back to that word. Sometimes I just want to tell her to take her fair weather friendship and shove it. Sometimes I want to say it's not worth being your friend just so I can hear you complain and gossip while you have fun and do things with your real friends. I hate being that person you do gossip to simply because you know I have no other friends so I won't be able to tell anyone, as if I would anyways. I hate feeling like you are only my friend out of pity? some weird sense of obligation? or is it something else entirely because I certainly don't feel you are my friend because you want to be my friend, because you like me. And then sometimes I think if I were to ever say those thing I would hurt her feelings and that would make me feel even more guilty than I do now for being such a burden of a friend. But here in my safe place I can say those things without repercussions, without guilt, without ever showing that outward emotion that makes me weak.

Now I am out of words. 3:20 am, woken up by something and unable to sleep because words were clouding my head. Now they are out and maybe I can rest again. At least maybe I can feel better having gotten that all out and maybe fresh eyes tomorrow will show I am just being silly and over exaggerating the situation. Maybe.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Vacation continues

But is quickly coming to an end. We have tossed in as much fun and adventure in to our trip as we can and now we are just chilling and relaxing. Since it's late and I'm tired I'll just bombard with pictures from Middleton Place, Folly Beach and my dad's backyard ;-)

and tomorrow (maybe) i'll have some knitting pr0n for ya ;)

Thursday, April 23, 2009

East Bay Garden Gallery

This morning my dad called me and asked me to come down to his gallery, a flower was in bloom and he wanted a couple of pictures of it so he could paint it. So since I was there I took several shots of his gallery to try and convince him to put up a website just to show his gallery, no online sales or anything, but he seems uninterested. So since he won't let me do that I'll just share the pics here ;-)

my dad, the artist & owner of East Bay Garden Gallery

the red flower in the courtyard he wanted a pic of

back of the gallery, in the garden

back & side of the garden

gate that leads to garden behind the gallery

inside of the gallery

another inside view

and yet another inside view ;)

last one!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Magnolia Gardens, Charleston SC

We have been on vacation for 1 week now and enjoying every minute of bright sunshine down here in good ol South Carolina. There really is nothing like the fresh air and constant sun like it is here in Charleston. It never ceases to amaze me just how much brighter and clearer everything is here.

We've done a few things here and there this past week but today was a big day for us. One of the owners of Magnolia Gardens, Drayton Hastie, visited my dad's art gallery (East Bay Garden Gallery, just north of the Battery) a few weeks back. He fell in love with my dad's style and invited him to photograph the plantation and paint it in pictures for their gift shop. Today we did just that, so here are a few highlights from our trip, sorry I can't reveal all as they may very well be painted and hanging in the gallery soon ;-)

Mr Egret standing guard near the famous bridge

random bench surrounded by azelia's which grow abundantly in these parts

this mysterious lady was hidden off the beaten path, such a shame as she is stunning!

The man on the left with the young girl is my father, the artist Hampton Brand and my daughter Rory, they are watching an alligator float along the water.

my curious Pixie transfixed on yet another alligator

one of the many ponds on the Plantation

all of the kids taking a break from all of the walking

the petting zoo was one of the kids favorite spots

this guy really loved my gal!

this is the back of the plantation home, the front faces the Ashley River and is near impossible to get a picture of

this bridge has been painted and photographed by many artists

I just love this photo

another of the kids, just having fun

After a long day I am ready to go sit down, watch Dancing with the Stars and knit with my Wollmeise :D

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Global Warming

Well, more like Global Cooling if you are in the PNW. But as promised I finished my Global Warming top, knit in Yarn Chef sock yarn, one of my favorite not yet hit the big time Indie Dyers

This was a really fast and easy knit, very few modifications made to it. And yeah I know the pic is crappy, just like our weather. And based on weather reports it doesn't look like there will be another half decent day until the day we fly out to go to SC, but that means I'll have ample opp for much better pics once we are there! And hopefully pics were I don't have to chop my head off ;)

On the home front note, I got to talk to the husband as the boat is on a port call. It's nice to hear from him but makes me miss him so much more. Thankfully this deployment will soon be over and should be the last one for at least 2 years, maybe more. Also did some more cleaning and packing for the trip. Oh how fun all of the clothes from the garage smell! Oops and I forgot to put them in the dryer, better go do that now so they don't sit overnight and get more smelly!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Dreary Days

They are so common here in WA and after two years one might think I'd have gotten used to them. I still get all gloomy and unmotivated and just want to sit in my PJ's rather than actually doing the responsible things I have to do. Days like this make me miss my husband. Ok I miss him every day regardless but at least on days like this I could just call him and say Hey honey can you grab some sugar, bread & cat litter on your way home.

Speaking of husband, our anniversary was two days ago and guess who forgot? ME! I was in bed settling down for the evening when an email came in. It was the most heartfelt, sincere, sweetest, heart wrenching emails ever. My husband is a man of few words and rarely are they sappy love letter type words. My heart lifted, I cried, and then I felt like a big asshat for forgetting our 9yr anniversary. I have forgiven myself, I do have a lot on my plate these days.

On that plate? I leave WA in 4 days to go home to SC for a month weeeeeeeee! I am so excited to be going home. I can't wait to walk downtown Charleston, go sit on the battery and drink frozen lemonade (it doesn't stay frozen more than a second!), and go play at the beach. I know it won't be a cure all but being home is a soul renewal and I will feel so much better after I get in to the warm sunshine and sand that is home.

In knitting news I am cranking out a bunch of items. I recently finished These Bintje socks for a friend

and knee highs for myself

I am also working on this pair of knee highs (and one other not pictured)

these are made from my most favorite striping sock yarn Goth Socks, which can be found on Etsy Right Here.

I am also almost done with a short sleeved sweater top for myself. I should hopefully have photos tomorrow as all I need to do today are the sleeves and yoke.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Say it!

Pixie (my 4yo) likes to randomly talk about whatever. Today we are discussing the weather and if it's cold or not. It's snowing, of course it's cold. Pixie says to me "it's not cold to me" I just mumble mmmhmmm. To which she responds with "say why". . . ignoring her she presses harder "SAY IT!" I humor here and say why? Her answer "because" so I say "because why?" and she says "BECAUSE I SAY SO NOW DON'T ASK ME AGAIN!"

Cracked my shit right up, man I love that girl.

Nothing Witty Here

I feel like my brain was sucked out today between the whining, the fighting and the snarking. I got to sit down and do this pay period's budget woohoo! Don't we all just loooove that! I also had a freak out this morning when not only could I not find my flight ticket confirmation email, I also could not find my car rental confirmation email. And then to make it worse I couldn't remember which discount place I reserved the car rental and purchased the plane tickets, and of course neither were from the same company. Lucky for me my brain turned back on for 5 minutes and told me to look in my bank statement for the airline charge.

As for the car, well since I hadn't yet paid for it I had no trail to follow so I began random internet searches for low cost car rentals, bada bing bada boom I found it! Whew! Then I gathered up my POA, all the kids BC's, printed out the itinerary, car rental confirmation, and a coupon for extended parking at the airport.

With all of that is it any wonder I hardly got any knitting done today? I had planned to be done with this pair of socks so I could start April fresh with new projects. However I have failed and I am ok with that! Tomorrow will be lacking in the kniting as well as it is grocery shopping day!

Thursday I head up to Seattle to meet an online bud, A who is flying up from CA as well as meetng 2 other local girls L, whom I only know online, and S who I know online and have met in person. Looks to be a fun day of playing at Weaving Works yarn shop and then heading off to the coffee shops. I don't know which part of the day is better, meeting my friends or having the very first shipment of the GothSocks Dead Poets hand delivered!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009


Not in marriage but in knitting. I have always been a polygamous type of knitter, flitting from one project on day A to a different project on day B and then back to project 1 on day C. Its always worked for me and kept me from becoming bored. My needle stash is nearly as large as my yarn stash for this very reason. Then one night, about 2 or 3 weeks ago I had my first panic attack over the amount of WIP's I had going as well as my list of must cast on now's. Why, I wondered? Could it be a sign I need to simplify my passion so that it really is more of a hobby rather than a taking over my life obsession? Possibly. I have knitted my way down my WIP pile. I now currently have 1 sock WIP and 1 crochet WIP, and a few hibernating UFO's I won't mention.

I haven't gotten bored, just more determined to finish one project before I begin another. It's a it weird and yet relaxing! To only think about the one project I have going rather than the 6 or 10 or however many crazy projects I get myself in to!

It also meant that this morning when my youngest was tossing cookies I was more able to focus on her and take care of her than if my brain was frazzled and flying a million miles a minute about how much time I was losing. Don't worry, the little Pixie is fine, just had a bit of the dry heaves this morning, it passed quickly and before I knew it she was back to her usual rambunctious boisterous singing and dancing self.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Heart's Afire Socks

The inspiration behind these socks was to support heart health awareness in women. During the first month I had it for sale all of the proceeds were donated to the American Heart Association. Over $150 was raised, thank you everyone who contributed!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Bejeweled Diamond Socks

This pattern is my first self published design. I created it in honor of a dear friend of mine who truly is as bright and tough as a diamond. It's a fast and easy knit with a bit of beaded bling to really make it stand out!

Nautilus Socks

This is my first published pattern from Gardiner Yarn Works and can be purchased from various online and local yarn retailers. My personal favorite is Wool Girl.

copyright GardinerYarnWorks 2009


It was a beautiful day in Washington! It's true the sun does shine here, sometimes ;-) I have a lot of pictures I could share of our day today but I will try to narrow it done to my few favorites. We live out in the sticks, in a quiet neighborhood that is very large and has tons of places to explore. In our explorations we have found some gorgeous out of the way places for picture taking. Our first visit was to the "bike pit" which pretty much is what it sounds, but just beyond it is a beautiful tree right on the edge of the water. . . see here

I took about 80 various shots of the kids in this tree, group and single shots. From there we moved on to the "Little Lake" only we veered a bit off the path and went down to a stream from the lake that flows in to the pond behind that tree

After that (were I also took about 80 more pictures) we headed off to the old school style playground that seems to be lacking in useage so we take full advantage!

After a hard day of play we came home renewed, refreshed and enjoyed some orange jello and breakfast for dinner! Now I am trying to figure out how to use this here fancy schmancy Blogger Ap. I have added links to my 2 patterns available on Ravelry, which you can purchase directly from here if you do not have a Rav account, and BTW why don't you have a ravelry account?! As soon as can figure this all out I'll have images and what not going too but for now I'll just make seperate blog entries to show off each pattern :)

Sock Summit!

Being the sock obsessed person that I am, an event like this is right up my alley! There are going to be some fabulous designers and teachers that I am looking forward to meeting and learning from. Hopefully the 2 or 3 classes I most want to take will not be scheduled at the time, it'd be a bummer to have to choose between 2 needed classes.

The sun is shining for the first time in almost 2 weeks here in WA, beautiful blue sky! I think i will take the children for a walk around the neighborhood and to the playground instead of dying yarn today.

I'm back!

I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I last posted to this blog, shame on me! I am planning to start blogging more regularly, let's see how I do ;)

So much going on in the past year but I'll start with this current year of 09. I am officially a published designer! I have one pattern for sale through (nautilus socks) and 2 that sre self published. I have them currently listed on Ravelry (you can find them either through my designer name, knittinpixie or rav ID MePlz). I'll attempt to have them linked to the blog soon, I am still a bit )ok a lot) blogger illiterate.

Other than that I have just been knitting, creating, and every now and then dabbling in the yarn dying. Tonight I am just trying to wear myself out so that i can go to sleep. It's 2:20 am and no dreamland in sight!

Hmmm I need one of those witty endings to finish off my blog posts. But witty I am not, especially this late/early!